“Are you struggling with the Emotional Fallout of Depression in your Relationship?”
No matter how emotionally resilient you are and no matter how hard you work on keeping a positive attitude, the reality for you is that there will be times of emotional turmoil and challenge that you will need to work through.
“Wouldn’t it be a relief for you if you could find some simple strategies to manage these emotional challenges”?
Indulge yourself for a few minutes and take the time to read through this blog to discover the keys to effectively managing the emotional fallout of depression.
Depression in a relationship can create emotional fallout in a number of areas of your life:
1. You as the carer:
There will be times when you notice huge draw downs on your own emotional reserves as you seek to be understanding and supportive and adjust yourself to the mood swings your partner will experience.
I am not going to sugar-coat this for you. To give you the support and strategies you will need to keep yourself emotionally strong and resilient I need to share honestly with you.
From my own personal experience of supporting a partner with depression I feel confident in saying that throughout your journey you will experience some of or all of the following:
- Anxiety as your companion
- Frustration knocking on your door
- Insecurity about your future
- Shame or embarrassment about your partner’s mental/emotional unwellness
2. Your Relationship
As you experience the very natural and understandable emotions mentioned above, stress and tension will begin to appear in your relationship. This is normal. It is how you respond to this that will make all the difference to the impact depression has on your relationship.
3. Your family
Depression can not hide itself from your family. At some point in time family members will become aware that “something is not quite right”. How do you share with your family about your partner’s depression?
I am going to answer that for you! Keep reading ….
4. Career: Your career and your partner’s career can be significantly impacted on due to their depression. I am going to cover this area specifically in my next blog. So keep an eye out for it ..
“Here is the Good News”!
1. Taking Care of You
Managing your anxiety
- Remember that every woman supporting a partner with depression will experience this emotion at some time. This is a natural emotion to be experiencing.
- Acceptance of your situation is the most important key for you. Accept that your partner has an illness the same way you would accept that your partner has diabetes, high blood pressure etc. You have heard me say this before and I will say it again – depression is an illness and it can be effectively treated with input from the appropriate professional health care providers.
Accepting the situation rather than fighting it or trying to ignore it, will automatically create within you an openness to finding solutions and a commitment to take action that will improve your life and your partner’s life.
It is also an important aspect of you regaining your emotional strength. Fighting, ignoring or running away from the situation is very emotionally draining and my goal for you is that you increase in emotional resilience and strength.
Reach Our for Help
Please do not try to manage your partner’s depression without support around you. I know and have experienced that having someone walk this journey with you makes a world of difference to your ability to keep things in perspective and rise above your situation.
Why ask for help?
Managing living with a partner who is suffering from depression is no easy task and requires specialised relationship and communication skills. It is because of these extraordinary qualities that you will need for this journey that I encourage you to not go it alone and to reach out for the appropriate support and understanding you need. Remember that a problem shared is definitely a problem halved!
2. Effectively Managing Your Relationship
Phew! A relationship where one partner has depression is really hard work isn’t it? I understand this because I live with depression in my relationship on a daily basis.
“How to make this easier for you”
- Ensure your partner receives the appropriate professional care they need through their GP, psychologist or psychiatrist. This will lift a big weight off your shoulders.
- If your partner is resistant to receiving professional care there are very specific strategies I can give you to help you with this. If you are interested in these strategies please send me an email to [email protected]
- Set boundaries in relation to how you will allow your partner to treat you or communicate with you when they are in a depressive cycle. When you set boundaries you are teaching your partner how to treat you. By doing this you are creating a safety net for them while they are managing their depressed emotions. This will not only benefit you. It will also benefit your family and assist your partner on their road to recovery.
- Remember your partner’s “stuff” is their stuff. Not yours. Resolve to keep yourself free from your partner’s stuff. This may sound a little harsh to some of you, however it is the reality of your situation and when you embrace this concept your emotional tank will begin to fill up again.
- Resist the instinct to rescue your partner and be their counsellor. This is not your role. This is the role of the mental health care professional who is working with your partner.
- Make the time to do those things that refresh you, make you feel good, relax you and bring you encouragement.
3. Looking after your family
Depression in itself does not have the power to dictate to you how you will live your life and raise your family. Rather, you have the power within you to create the environment you desire in your home through your mindset and the emotional choices you make. There are answers, strategies and tools you can use to keep yourself and your family in balance while your partner recovers their wellbeing. This is why I strongly recommend that you do not go through this journey alone. You will need all the help you can get.
Neutralisers for depression: Choose to keep life as normal as possible and keep family and friends close
Be prepared to have an open conversation with your family about your partner’s depression. Rather than hiding it, bring it gently out into the open. This can be a strong, healing process. Of course, you would only do this with your partner’s permission and through your value of respect for your partner’s dignity.
Keep the routine of life and family as normal as possible. This is one of the greatest gifts you can give your partner and is a therapy in itself. Take the lead and get on with the normal things of life, responding normally, planning normally and communicating normally within the family unit. This “normality” can neutralise many of the depressed emotions that can touch you and your family while your partner is recovering.
Whilst family and friends might not fully understand what is happening within your life and family at this time, if you are used to having them close then keep them close. This can also be a great neutraliser for your home life. Their love, laughter and light heartedness will bring you renewed energy.
As the festive season draws closer and more time is spent with family, I trust the strategies I have shared with you give you the wisdom, understanding and skillfulness you need to keep yourself emotionally strong, keep your relationship in harmony and keep the family unit in balance.
If you would like more insight into how to take the struggle out of managing the emotional fallout from depression, why don’t you contact me and have a chat about how personal coaching could restore your emotional energy, create for you a place of support and build into your life the capacity to effectively manage your personal situation. You can contact me on 07 3824 2009 or by email to [email protected]
Christine McRae
The Trail Blazing Woman
©November 2011, TheTrail Blazing Woman
