Challenging
This is a word I use when I think about supporting a partner who suffers with depression.
Sometimes in fact it can feel like a war zone as you endeavour to negotiate the “land mines” of mood changes. In previous blogs I have shared with you my strategies and tools for effectively managing depression within a committed relationship. Let’s have a brief review of these:
Top Ten Tips for Managing Depression within a committed relationship:
- Ask for help, reach out for support. Do not try to travel this journey on your own.
- Lose your sense of shame and embarrassment about the fact that your partner suffers with depression
- Find a place of “safety” where you can break the silence on the pain you have been experiencing and openly talk about the impact your partner’s depression is having on you and your family.
- Resist the instinct to rescue your partner and become their counsellor.
- Ensure your partner receives the appropriate medical care from a General Practitioner, Psychologist or Psychiatrist to assist them to manage their depression.
- Do not allow the depression to dictate how you will live your life and raise your family.
- Reclaim yourself. Stop suppressing yourself and turning yourself inside out to be who your depressed partner wants you to be depending on their mood.
- Make time for yourself to do those things that refresh you, make you feel good, relax you and bring you encouragement.
- Remember to set appropriate boundaries in relation to how your partner communicates with you and behaves toward you.
- Keep openly talking to your partner. Do not go silent on them. Be as natural and normal as possible with the cycle of life while they are in their depressed emotional state. This is a sure way for them to make a speedier recovery.
Practice makes Permanent!
Have you been putting all of these strategies into practice? If so, you should have noticed a difference in yourself and the way you manage your relationship.
Facing challenges – what else can you do?
To add to the strategies outlined above, here are some other practical ways you can make a real difference to your challenging situation. To be honest with you, I need to practice these everyday to live “above” the challenges I face while supporting a partner suffering with depression:
- Take control of your focus: what are you going to focus on while managing this challenge within your relationship? Are you going to focus on all the tension and frustration or focus on the support that is available to assist you and the strategies that can make a world of difference for you. Remember – whatever you have chosen to focus on you will feel it and think about it until it does become real to you.
- Give the challenge meaning: What is the meaning you are giving to the significant challenges you are experiencing within your relationship. It may feel like it is worst thing that has happened in your life. Is this the meaning you are giving to your situation? What would happen if we gave this a different meaning – perhaps this is the ultimate challenge in your life?! The meaning you give to your situation will determine your outcomes.
There are seasons in our lives when it is important to condition ourselves to:
- Control our focus and
- Find the positive meaning in the challenge
In effect by doing this you are disciplining your disappointments. This becomes very important to your ability to respond to your situation the correct way.
- Feed your mind: Be proactive in looking for resources and information that are solution oriented not problem oriented. Feed your mind on biographies or stories of people you respect who have been successful despite their challenges. My website www.trailblazingwoman.com.au is a good place to start. You can read my story and my husband’s story. You could do a google search for websites that feature stories of people who are managing living with a partner suffering with depression or go to your local library to see what books they have that are relevant to the challenge you are facing.
Two great websites to visit for stories of carers/supporters of partners with depression are:
i. http://www.beyondblue.org.au ii. http://www.behavioralhealthcentral.com/- Condition your mind – Put time aside each day to set positive intentions for your day, meditate on and speak out loud positive affirmations that are meaningful and ring true for you and your situation. 15-20 minutes of conditioning your mind in this positive way will give you different results to those you are experiencing now.
- Feed and Condition your body: to effectively manage the challenge of supporting a partner suffering with depression you need to be strong and resourceful. Both your body and mind need to be completely connected. Why is that you might ask?
Your physiology engages your nervous system and therefore determines your emotional state:
Think about how a depressed person speaks and holds their body etc: their shoulders are usually slumped, their head bent downwards, their tone of voice is flat, they might have difficulty making direct eye contact with you. To be the opposite of this you can make a shift in your physical body i.e. put your shoulders back, lift your head up and speak in a tone of voice that is positive and look people in the eye when communicating with them. In response to this your biochemistry changes! That’s how powerful your physiology is. Make the shift in your body first; your biochemistry changes and then your thoughts change.
This is how we can control our emotional state. It is important to practice conditioning your body so you are there to meet the challenges when they arise.
I trust this has given you some food for thought and a range of approaches you can adopt when you are faced with challenges so that you get the results you truly desire.
Remember – practice makes permanent….
If you are struggling with fear, anxiety or frustration in relation to the challenge of supporting a partner suffering with depression, please follow the golden rule – reach out for support, ask for help.
My contact details are below. It would be my privilege to share personally with you how I have faced my challenges of supporting a partner with depression and turned around my own life and our whole relationship.
Contact: christin[email protected]
Christine McRae, The Trail Blazing Woman Personal Coach and Mentor ©August 2010, The Trail Blazing Woman
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