As The Trail Blazing Woman I have compiled a list of common questions that I know you will be asking if you are supporting a partner who has depression.
In earlier blogs I have covered the questions:
- How do I know if my partner is depressed
- What do I do if I notice these symptoms of depression
If you missed these blog posts please visit my website to view their content – www.trailblazingwoman.com.au
I am going to prepare a series of blogs for you on other common questions women ask when they are supporting a partner who has depression.
Today we will look at the question:
My partner seems very withdrawn and moody. How should I respond to this as it is impacting on our relationship and family?
These symptoms can be an indicator that your husband is suffering from depression. The points I made in a previous blog “What do I do if I notice these symptoms of depression” are now very relevant to you. Begin by following these steps. It will help and make a difference.
- Choose the right time and place to have an open conversation with your partner about what you are noticing and how it is impacting on you and the family. You could start a conversation like this with:
…I have noticed over the past few weeks you seem to be ….. Is there a particular reason for this?
- Try to pin point the root cause. Use your intuition and your well tuned listening skills. Is it
- Work pressure
- Family concerns
- Financial concerns
- Health issues?
By pinpointing the root cause upfront, you will save yourself and your partner a great deal of unnecessary tension. If both of you understand the root cause you can work together effectively to find a solution. For your depressed partner this creates a huge psychological relief.
It would be helpful for you if you were able to share your thoughts and feelings with someone who understands what you are experiencing. Do not feel ashamed or embarrassed to discuss this with friends and family.
Also remember that The Trail Blazing Woman is there for you (www.trailblazingwoman.com.au) so that you can discuss your very individual situation and find solutions that work for you and your family.
Christine McRae, The Trail Blazing Woman, [email protected]
©January 2010, The Trail Blazing Woman
1. Complete withdrawal from life…ie unable to get out of bed, drinking more, going to work, but not interested in work, no interest in sex, verbalizes feelings sad/blue.
2. I used to try to help…be upbeat, and support him regardless. However, this has only backfired. Depression can be very selfish. I’ve learned to still love him, but to not allow his mood swings to affect my joy in life.
It is hard…I want a partner who has a zest for the new and exciting things in life. I want a best friend that will laugh at the bad and see me for who I am.
Hi Lauren
Your relationship sounds challenging and your partner sounds as though he could really benefit from some professional help with his depression. I appreciate how emotionally demanding it is to continue to try to be the one who is supportive and upbeat all the time. It gets very discouraging doesn’t it, especially if your efforts and not appreciated. Yes, depression is very selfish because when people are depressed they turn inwards and the only person they can think about is themselves. It is a hard journey for the supporting partner which is why I coach the women I connect with to make sure they are not managing this journey on their own – that they reach out for the appropriate professional help they need to be able to effectively manage their partner’s depression and actually learn the strategies to turn their situation around. There are strategies you can use that can make a big difference to the outcomes you get in your relationship and they can change you and your relationship permanently.
You have done well to come to the place where you have learned to still love your partner and not allow his mood swings to affect your joy in life. You are an inspiration. Who is looking after you Lauren and making sure your emotional needs are met? Do you have yourself on your list of priorities so that you are getting input into you own life to support you through this situation. Let me ask you three important questions?
What are the top 3 challenges you are having with your partner right now?
How is your partner’s depression affecting your life?
On a scale of 1-10 where 10 is the highest, how committed are you to start implementing recommended strategies and action that could turn your situation around?
Think about these questions Lauren and make contact with me again by email to: [email protected]. This could well be the beginning of a breakthrough for you!
I will touch base with you again at the end of this coming week to see how you are going. In the meantime spoil yourself! Take the time to browse through my website (www.trailblazingwoman.com.au), read my story and some of my inspirational articles and other blogs I have posted. I am sure you will feel well supported and understood by someone who has been exactly where you are right now.
Warm regards
Christine McRae
The Trail Blazing Woman