Managing Depression in Relationships is Hard Work!!
What can we do to make this journey easier?
“What you focus on is what you get”
Have you heard that quotation before?
It is a very true quotation and relevant to all of us when facing any problem in life and particularly when you are in a relationship affected by depression.
Where is your focus? This determines your results!
Why are we talking about focus today? Your focus has everything to do with where you centre your attention. Where you centre your attention is going to determine the results you get in your life and relationship. What is your attention centred on?
Problems and challenges
Problems and challenges are part of life and our results are determined by how we respond to those problems/challenges and where we put our focus or where our centre of attention is. We have 2 choices actually.
- We can choose to focus on the problem or
- Focus on the “not problem”.
I can hear you saying – “what on earth is a “not problem”? Think about it. The “not problem” is everything that your problem is not!
“Not Problem” example:
Let’s look at an example of a problem you might have at the moment and let’s say the problem is that you are in a relationship that is being affected by depression. In this scenario the depression can be obvious e.g. your partner could be suffering with depression or it could be subtle i.e. the circumstances of life are really getting you down e.g. finances, family relationships, career etc.
Where is your centre of attention?
- Focussed on the depression and its impact on your life?
- Focussed on all the other aspects of your life that are rich with possibilities, goodness and supportive people?
Point 2 above is the “Not Problem”!
Focussing on the “not problem” sounds easy, yet I know it isn’t. It takes practice to make this habit of emotional wellbeing a permanent part of your life. I understand that. Personal experience tells me that while this sounds simple it is hard to do and to maintain!
The “Not Problem”
If you are supporting a partner suffering with depression it could be really helpful to you if you were to give some thought to what the “not problem” is and to make a list of the things you think of so that you can keep your focus where you need it to be. My partner suffers with depression so if I was to give you some examples of what my “not problem” is when he is going through a cycle of depression I am sure it will help you to come up with your own list that will change how you are feeling and how you are therefore dealing with the situation. For me the “not problem” is:
- My partner is not choosing to do this to make life difficult for me
- I have been through his before and know exactly how to manage this
- I have a support network around me that I can talk things through with and receive counselling and encouragement
- My partner is under the care of a great specialist who will be able to get him back on track
- This is not my depression so I do not take ownership of it
- My life does not come to a standstill because of my partner’s depression
- I have a fulfilling career and work with a great team of people
- The depression does not have the power to take away from me my laughter, fun and enjoyment of life …..
Are you getting the idea of what the “Not Problem” is?!
Continuing to focus on the problem will only keep the problem alive, get you down and filter out of your thinking processes the possibility of a range of solutions and answers to the situation.
My challenge to you is to Focus on the “Not Problem”
Choose to focus on the “not problem” and start to create your own list that you can have a look at when the going gets tough. Focussing on the “not problem” opens up solutions and possibilities from quite unexpected sources.
Learning How to focus on the “Not Problem”
There is a simple, practical exercise you can do to help you learn how to focus on the “not problem” If you would like to learn about my secret for focussing on the “not problem” please email me christine@trailblazingwoman.com.au and I will send you through the information. You can use this for any issue in your life.
Christine McRae, The Trail Blazing Woman
Personal Coach and Mentor
©August 2010, The Trail Blazing Woman
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