Miserable Holiday or Depression?

“Honestly, has your holiday been the carefree, relaxing time of refreshment and fun that you wanted it to be?”

I am guessing that for many of you your holiday could have been tainted with tension, frustration, possibly some harsh words and a sense of feeling just miserable.   These emotions may have taken you by surprise and left you wondering what on earth is going on with yourself and your partner or family members.

“Don’t spoil the rest of your holiday”.  

There could be a reasonable explanation for this and if you understand that depression could be the cause of you feeling miserable it can make a huge difference to your attitude and your emotions.

“How do you know if you are experiencing depression or if your partner is experiencing depression?”

Here is something for you to think about!

Did you know that if you spend enough time in the company of a person who is genuinely depressed that you can also unconsciously succumb to depression yourself?

“Important question to ask”

So  the really important question to ask yourself is:  are you depressed or is it your partner who is depressed and their depression impacting negatively on you?

An easy way to determine whether you or someone you love is experiencing depression:

Have a look at this symptom check list provided by Beyond Blue and see how many you can put a tick beside, either for yourself or your partner:

For more than TWO WEEKS have you or your partner:

1. Felt sad, down or miserable most of the time?
2. Lost interest or pleasure in most of your usual activities?

If you answered “YES” to either of these questions, or could answer “yes” on behalf of your partner, please complete the symptom checklist below

Behaviours

1. Stopped going out
   Yes
   No
2. Not getting things done at work
   Yes
   No
3. Withdrawn from close family and friends
   Yes
   No
4. Relying on alcohol and sedatives
   Yes
   No
5. Stopped doing things you enjoy
   Yes
   No
6. Unable to concentrate
   Yes
   No

Thoughts

7. “I’m a failure”
   Yes
   No
8. “It’s my fault”
   Yes
   No
9. “Nothing good ever happens to me”
   Yes
   No
10. “I’m worthless”
    Yes
    No
11. “Life is not worth living”
    Yes
    No

Feelings

12. Overwhelmed
    Yes
    No
13. Unhappy, depressed
    Yes
    No
14. Irritable
    Yes
    No
15. Frustrated
    Yes
    No
16. No confidence
    Yes
    No
17. Guilty
    Yes
    No
18. Indecisive
    Yes
    No
19. Disappointed
    Yes
    No
20. Miserable
    Yes
    No
21. Sad
    Yes
    No

Physical

22. Tired all the time
    Yes
    No
23. Sick and run down
    Yes
    No
24. Headaches and muscle pains
    Yes
    No
25. Churning gut
    Yes
    No
26. Can’t sleep
    Yes
    No
27. Poor appetite/weight loss
    Yes
    No

How did you or your partner score?

 “If you have identified through this checklist that it appears either you or your partner are experiencing depression this will explain why your holiday has been miserable!”

For those of you who now recognise that depression is impacting on your life and relationship, there is some vital information I need to share with you.

Please do not remain with this sense of misery you have been experiencing.   It is time for you to take some action.

Communication is a key

It is vitally important that you communicate with your partner what you have been experiencing.   Putting up with it will not make it go away or improve the situation.   Whether you have identified it is yourself who has depression or whether you feel your partner is experiencing depression you need to talk about this together and work out a way forward.

I know the thought of communicating with your partner about this could make you feel quite nervous and you are probably wondering what their response will be when you do raise the subject.

Here’s some of the thoughts that are probably running through your mind …

• What will I do if my partner says I am over-reacting to the situation?
• What if my partner gets angry when I suggest they may be experiencing depression?
• What if my partner denies there is any tension or emotional strain within the relationship?
• What if my partner blames me for the tension …

and so the list of negative thoughts rolls on.  How do I know what you are possibly thinking?  

I support a partner who suffers with bi-polar depression and I am well acquainted with the mood changes and therefore the range of emotional responses I can expect to my communication about this sensitive issue of depression.

“What can you do to handle these possible scenarios so that you get a positive outcome?”

“Start your communication from the heart!”   Yes, it is as simple as that.  Communication from the heart is what is called “healthy communication” and will create healthy results for you.

 Proven keys for healthy communication:

• do no seek to place blame
• communicate through your values e.g. respect, commitment, love etc
• keep focussed on positive outcomes for all concerned.  Take the time to ask yourself – “what do I really want for this person/relationship?”
• remember the principle of Work on Me First, Improve my own approach.

These are just a few examples of healthy dialogue.  There are more which I will share with you at another time. 

 Make the right choice!

Choose to raise this sensitive issue with your partner by using healthy communication and you will be on your way to beginning to resolve the tension and misery you have been experiencing.

There are more positive steps you can take!

In my next blog I will be discussing other important action steps you will need to take to assist both yourself and your partner manage depression effectively.

For the moment work on the first step of open communication and keep your eyes out for my next blog which will issue soon.

If you would like more insight into other positive action steps you can take to manage depression effectively within your relationship please contact me.   We can have a chat about how relationship coaching can create for you a place of support and build into your life the capacity to effectively manage your personal situation.  You can contact me on
07 3824 2009 or here