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Browse: Home / Miserable Holiday or Depression?

Miserable Holiday or Depression?

By Christine McRae on 4th January 2012

“Honestly, has your holiday been the carefree, relaxing time of refreshment and fun that you wanted it to be?”

I am guessing that for many of you your holiday could have been tainted with tension, frustration, possibly some harsh words and a sense of feeling just miserable.   These emotions may have taken you by surprise and left you wondering what on earth is going on with yourself and your partner or family members.

“Don’t spoil the rest of your holiday”.  

There could be a reasonable explanation for this and if you understand that depression could be the cause of you feeling miserable it can make a huge difference to your attitude and your emotions.

“How do you know if you are experiencing depression or if your partner is experiencing depression?”

Here is something for you to think about!

Did you know that if you spend enough time in the company of a person who is genuinely depressed that you can also unconsciously succumb to depression yourself?

“Important question to ask”

So  the really important question to ask yourself is:  are you depressed or is it your partner who is depressed and their depression impacting negatively on you?

An easy way to determine whether you or someone you love is experiencing depression:

Have a look at this symptom check list provided by Beyond Blue and see how many you can put a tick beside, either for yourself or your partner:

For more than TWO WEEKS have you or your partner:

1. Felt sad, down or miserable most of the time?
2. Lost interest or pleasure in most of your usual activities?

If you answered “YES” to either of these questions, or could answer “yes” on behalf of your partner, please complete the symptom checklist below

Behaviours

  1. Stopped going out
    Yes
    No
  2. Not getting things done at work
    Yes
    No
  3. Withdrawn from close family and friends
    Yes
    No
  4. Relying on alcohol and sedatives
    Yes
    No
  5. Stopped doing things you enjoy
    Yes
    No
  6. Unable to concentrate
    Yes
    No

Thoughts

  1. “I’m a failure”
    Yes
    No
  2. “It’s my fault”
    Yes
    No
  3. “Nothing good ever happens to me”
    Yes
    No
  4. “I’m worthless”
    Yes
    No
  5. “Life is not worth living”
    Yes
    No

Feelings

  1. Overwhelmed
    Yes
    No
  2. Unhappy, depressed
    Yes
    No
  3. Irritable
    Yes
    No
  4. Frustrated
    Yes
    No
  5. No confidence
    Yes
    No
  6. Guilty
    Yes
    No
  7. Indecisive
    Yes
    No
  8. Disappointed
    Yes
    No
  9. Miserable
    Yes
    No
  10. Sad
    Yes
    No

Physical

  1. Tired all the time
    Yes
    No
  2. Sick and run down
    Yes
    No
  3. Headaches and muscle pains
    Yes
    No
  4. Churning gut
    Yes
    No
  5. Can’t sleep
    Yes
    No
  6. Poor appetite/weight loss
    Yes
    No

How did you or your partner score?

 “If you have identified through this checklist that it appears either you or your partner are experiencing depression this will explain why your holiday has been miserable!”

For those of you who now recognise that depression is impacting on your life and relationship, there is some vital information I need to share with you.

Please do not remain with this sense of misery you have been experiencing.   It is time for you to take some action.

Communication is a key

It is vitally important that you communicate with your partner what you have been experiencing.   Putting up with it will not make it go away or improve the situation.   Whether you have identified it is yourself who has depression or whether you feel your partner is experiencing depression you need to talk about this together and work out a way forward.

I know the thought of communicating with your partner about this could make you feel quite nervous and you are probably wondering what their response will be when you do raise the subject.

Here’s some of the thoughts that are probably running through your mind …

  • What will I do if my partner says I am over-reacting to the situation?
  • What if my partner gets angry when I suggest they may be experiencing depression?
  • What if my partner denies there is any tension or emotional strain within the relationship?
  • What if my partner blames me for the tension …

and so the list of negative thoughts rolls on.  How do I know what you are possibly thinking?  

I support a partner who suffers with bi-polar depression and I am well acquainted with the mood changes and therefore the range of emotional responses I can expect to my communication about this sensitive issue of depression.

“What can you do to handle these possible scenarios so that you get a positive outcome?”

“Start your communication from the heart!”   Yes, it is as simple as that.  Communication from the heart is what is called “healthy communication” and will create healthy results for you.

 Proven keys for healthy communication:

  • do no seek to place blame
  • communicate through your values e.g. respect, commitment, love etc
  • keep focussed on positive outcomes for all concerned.  Take the time to ask yourself – “what do I really want for this person/relationship?”
  • remember the principle of Work on Me First, Improve my own approach.

These are just a few examples of healthy dialogue.  There are more which I will share with you at another time. 

 Make the right choice!

Choose to raise this sensitive issue with your partner by using healthy communication and you will be on your way to beginning to resolve the tension and misery you have been experiencing.

There are more positive steps you can take!

In my next blog I will be discussing other important action steps you will need to take to assist both yourself and your partner manage depression effectively.

For the moment work on the first step of open communication and keep your eyes out for my next blog which will issue soon.

If you would like more insight into other positive action steps you can take to manage depression effectively within your relationship please contact me.   We can have a chat about how relationship coaching can create for you a place of support and build into your life the capacity to effectively manage your personal situation.  You can contact me on
07 3824 2009 or here

Posted in Depression, depression in relationship, Holiday | Tagged communication, Depression, depression in relationship, depression symptom check list, miserable, partner, support

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  • If you need someone who has unique understanding and wisdom for your individual situation to assist you come out of your pain of being married to a husband who suffers from depression, then please contact Christine.

    ~Malcolm McRae
  • I am privileged to have been a close friend of Christine for some 20 years and she definitely is one of those people who has the unique skills to always lift you up.

    ~Jeannie, Kindergarten Director, Queensland.
  • Christine has had to overcome issues in her personal life and to develop strategies and solutions to enable her to live a normal and fulfilling life. I know with Christine's personal journey she would be able to help people in similar situations.

    ~Carol Bobbermien
  • One thing that is very obvious about Christine is her genuine passion to assist others; especially women, to reach a place of personal freedom in their lives and marriages/partnerships.

    ~Kim Browning, Master Coach, Personal Coaching Solutions
  • Christine has had a very challenging life journey walking beside a husband suffering from depression and it has been encouraging to see her reach out for help, follow the guidance given her and transform her own emotional situation and her marriage.

    ~Jeannie , Kindergarten Director, Queensland
  • Chris allowed me to explore my mind and my journey and was a perfect guide for me along the way. Somehow she just always knew the right questions to ask or where the obstacles were on my path and how to move beyond them.

    ~Rob Mason, Inspire Yourself Personal Coaching
  • I found my conversations with Christine to be very calming and at the same time, very powerful. Christine helped me to work through issues and discover new ideas in my thinking and approaches to different situations.

    ~Christine Phillips
  • Christine McRae is a passionate, powerful woman with a gentle heart and a loving spirit. Congratulations Christine for having the vision to know there is a need and the gumption to offer it to those women whose partners experience depression. You will be providing partnerships and marriages with a great service.
    ~Ludwina Dautovic
  • I had some major breakthroughs with Christine as my coach and uncovered some blockages that I would never have found if it wasn't for her amazing ability and wisdom. Thank you Chris for having such an impact on my life.

    ~Rob Mason, Inspire Yourself Personal Coaching
  • During my coaching sessions with Christine she has helped me change my perspective about situations, obstacles and barriers I felt were impossible to change.

    ~Graham Phillips
  • If you are looking for someone with a depth of understanding and experience and the strategies that can turn your situation around as you support a partner suffering with depression, I would very highly recommend Christine.

    ~Jeannie, Kindergarten Director, Queensland.
  • Christine is open, honest and genuinely prepared to confront the challenges in her life in order to create positive change in her world. She is a woman of passion and strength and has a great determination to succeed.

    ~Kim Browning, Master Coach, Personal Coaching Solutions
  • I would strongly recommend that you connect with Christine if you are looking for someone who has the understanding, skills and experience to assist you discover your personal pathway to emotional freedom and strength.

    ~Peter Kahler ND, Naturopathic Physician Oxford Naturopathics
  • Chris's strategies and responses in helping me deal with depression have been invaluable in assisting me walk through this journey of depression and maintain my sense of self-respect and dignity.

    ~Malcolm McRae
  • There is not enough available support for women supporting a partner suffering with depression so it is wonderful that Christine has chosen to be a coach and mentor for these women.

    ~Jeannie, Kindergarten Director, Queensland.
  • Christine "steered" my thoughts into different areas that would allow me to come up with ideas that I'd not considered before.~Christine Phillips
  • Having experienced depression myself a few years ago I understand the pressures it puts on your partner and the challenges they face while dealing with it. Had there been someone like Christine around at the time, I am sure my husband would have benefited from the support.
    ~Ludwina Dautovic, www.theredtentwoman.com.au
  • Christine is a highly trained Life Coach and is completing a world recognised study program to give her even greater skills as a coach and mentor.

    ~Kim Browning, Master Coach, Personal Coaching Solutions

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