How would it make you feel if I could share with you some strategies that would take the struggle out of your relationship and point you in the right direction?

My guess is you would feel a tremendous sense of relief!   

Why are so many people struggling in relationships?

The number 1 reasons these days for stress and tension in relationships is depression.

You may not like this thought however it is the reality.  

In any week, one-tenth of the adult population is suffering from clinical depression and one in five people will suffer from it at some point in their lifetime (Davies, 1997)

The World Health Organisation estimates that by 2020 depression will be the second most costly and debilitating disease in the world.

Could this be the cause of the struggle you are experiencing in your relationship?

Let’s take a moment to talk about depression as it can affect men much differently than women.   Depression is not just a “women’s disease!

Men tend to have different coping (or not coping) abilities than women.   Most experts are not sure why there is this difference although they speculate the difference could be in hormones and upbringing.

So how will you know if your partner is experiencing depression as opposed to just “men behaving badly” or feeling stressed out? 

Symptoms of Depression – What to look out for: 

• Irritability
• sleep disturbance
• withdrawing from social activities
• over-working
• excessive drinking
• controlling behaviours
• violence or abuse – verbal or physical
• inappropriately getting angry
• indulging in risky behaviour such as reckless driving
• unhealthy sexual relations 

All of these symptoms can be warning signs that your partner is in a cycle of depression.   

If you take a look at the above symptoms your partner could be experiencing is it any wonder that there is tension and confusion in relationships? 

What do you do if you recognise these symptoms of depression in your partner? 

A myriad of factors could be contributing to your partner’s depression.  Your responsibility is not to try to work out the contributing factors.   If anything, your responsibility could be to gain an understanding of this mental health issue and how you can best help your partner.

In our culture, men are discouraged from expressing emotion. The stoic man is a real man. The man who is in ‘control’ of all aspects of his being is a real man. Successful men should be able to ‘snap out of it’ and carry on with life.   Have you heard these clichés before? 

Unfortunately, these views don’t fit well with the realities of depression so the best way for you to support your partner is to ensure your communication and behaviour do not embrace any of the above attitudes.   This is not easy, I know.   However I am about to give you some strategies that will make a world of difference to how you manage this situation.

Here are some strategies for you to consider if you think your partner may be experiencing depression.  

• be attuned to your partner’s behaviour and communication
• if all signs are pointing to depression then creating an environment of understanding and openness of communication will be one of the greatest gifts you can give your partner
• recognise that for your partner to acknowledge they could be experiencing a mental health issue is a massive step for them
• you will need the “wisdom of Solomon” and the excellence of your communication skills to assist your partner open up to discuss the impact their behaviour is having on your and the family
• don’t try to sort this out without support from others.   Firstly I would recommend you get support for yourself – talk to trusted family members or friends about your concerns.   In particular talk to your GP who will be a great source of guidance for you in relation to the steps you can take to assist your partner
• do not try to “rescue” your partner or nurture them through their depressive cycle.   This is the job of a health care professional
• you can assist your partner reach out for professional assistance by making the first step as easy as possible – in your communication with them you could share that  “seeking help or talking to someone does not mean admitting defeat … it’s about taking a proactive step and making a positive change.”    This is a really positive way of helping your partner move forward.
• Remember that for your partner to make the first phone call or attend the first counselling session will be their biggest obstacle to overcome.    
• Take care of yourself.   While things are being sorted out with your partner’s mental health it is important you maintain your emotional resilience and strength.   Do whatever you need to do to refresh and re-energise yourself emotionally and physically.   This is vital if you are to maintain a “normal” life for yourself and your family while your partner recovers.

There are many more strategies I could share with you.   These should help point you in the right direction and bring some clarity for you in relation to how to effectively manage a depressed partner.   All of these strategies come from my own personal experience of supporting a partner with depression so I have a good understanding of what you may be experiencing in your relationship at this time.

 Is your relationship in trouble?

You can get all the support, guidance and strategies you need from an experienced relationship coach.   Coaching women supporting partner’s with depression is something I am totally committed to and passionate about.

Why don’t you contact me and have a chat about how personal coaching could restore harmony and balance to your relationship and prevent it from crumbling.   You can contact me on 07 3824 2009 or by email to [email protected]

 

Christine McRae

The Trail Blazing Woman

[email protected]

www.trailblazingwoman.com.au

©June 2011, TheTrail Blazing Woman