Today The Trail Blazing Woman is going to share with you her:
Insight 4 of 10 in How to Manage Depression within a Committed Relationship:
Resist the instinct to rescue your partner and become their counsellor!
Becoming your partner’s counsellor during their time of depression is a trap I have found is easy for women to fall into.
It is our natural instinct as women to nurture and rescue isn’t it? Be aware that it is not your role to rescue your partner during their time of depression. Offering love, support and understanding is quite different to taking on the role of the rescuer or counsellor.
The down side of being your partner’s counsellor
- Taking on the role of your partner’s counsellor will draw out of you an enormous amount of emotional energy that you can not afford to give away at this particular time.
- The other hidden trap in this is that if you are not careful your partner may become co-dependant on you as their only source of encouragement and support. This is unhealthy for them, your relationship and your family.
What is your role?
You may be thinking at this moment – “well what can I do to help my partner if I don’t take on the role of the counsellor or rescuer?”
- Firstly you can be objective and keep things in perspective for them.
- Also there will be times when your partner will need you to be the person who speaks the truth to them in love. This is called being the “leveller”. If you take on the role of being your partner’s counsellor it makes it very difficult for you to be the “leveller”.
- It is particularly important that you play the role of the “leveller” in the family when your partner is in a depressive cycle. Through this role you keep the household on an “even keel” which is important if you want your children to feel they are still within a secure environment, even though at times it may be unpredictable.
- You partner will ultimately respect you for this because at a time when they are feeling quite unsure of themselves and their future, your voice of strength and confidence will make a world of difference for them.
Christine McRae, The Trail Blazing Woman, [email protected]
© December 2009, The Trail Blazing Woman
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